The Secret to Success is to Quit Trying
Many people spend the majority of their lives chasing after success. They try and try. The secret to success is to quit trying.
Sadly, it seems that many feel they never are successful. No matter how hard they try, success eludes them. Don’t fall into that trap. Quit trying and start doing. Consider this advice by Ralph Marston…
“The way to achieve is not to try. The way to achieve is to do.
“The difference between trying and doing is all in your perspective. That difference makes all the difference in the world.
“When you see yourself as trying, you are burdening yourself with the expectation of failure. Instead, put all your energy and focus into doing your very best, and into expecting the best results.
“Merely trying is itself an excuse, and it gives you permission to make all sorts of other excuses. Doing, on the other hand, gets results.
“If you’re going to make the effort, then make it count. Let go of any thoughts that you’re just trying, and embrace the most positive expectations.
“You are absolutely capable of making a real and valuable difference. So forget about trying, and with well-deserved confidence, go ahead and get it done.” (http://greatday.com/motivate/120119.html)
Go ahead and DO something today. In fact, do several things. Success, you’ll discover is closer than you think.
Why Should I Do Business With You?
If you are a business owner or salesperson you’ve probably been asked this question before. How did you answer it? Did you fumble for an answer? I would say that when someone asks this question it means you have not yet convinced them of the value of your service or product.
Networking and referral expert Bob Burg is famous for his quote (from the excellent book “Endless Referrals”): “All things being equal, people do business with, and refer business to people they know, like and trust.”
If that’s so, then it’s a matter of positioning yourself as someone others know, like and trust. The larger this group of people, the larger your success.
1. How many people KNOW you? Your goal should be to become known by as many people as possible. Not just any people, but those who are qualified to do business with you or qualified to buy your service or product. The question to ask yourself is, “How can I become known by the right people.” Or, as someone put it, “It’s not who you know; it’s who knows you.”
There are lots of ways to become known. You can attend networking events. You can join clubs, organizations, and associations. Start by making a list of ways you can get belly-to-belly with people. Zero in on the ways you will enjoy and to which you are willing to make a commitment.
2. Once people know you, do they LIKE you? If you have to work on becoming likeable here’s a few suggestions. First, be genuinely interested in others. You can try to fake this, but it won’t work. People like those who care about them and remember, “No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
Second, listen more and talk less. When engaged in conversation, allow the other person to talk the vast majority of the time. They will come away feeling that you are a very likeable person. Simply, be a good listener.
Use the other person’s name in conversation and offer a sincere compliment. Nothing is sweeter to most of us, than the sound of our own name. Receiving a compliment is enjoyed by everyone. Master this one thing, and people will adore you.
3. Do people TRUST you? We all know people will not do business with someone they do not trust. However, defining how to get people to trust you isn’t easy. There are a lot of variables. Here are a few things to consider.
Trust isn’t instantaneous. It takes time to build trust and you shouldn’t rush it. In fact, trying to rush it has the opposite effect. People don’t trust pushy people. Take it slow and allow the trust to build over time.
Treat others with respect. Speak kindly of others at all times. If someone hears you bad-mouthing someone else, it diminishes the trust they have in you. They wonder what it is you say about them when they are not present.
Do what you say you will do. Under-promise and over-deliver. It you say you will be somewhere at noon, don’t show up at 12:01. It you say you will do something, don’t let them down. Keep your promises. Keep your word. It’s the foundation of trust.
Rather than focusing on selling your service or product try focusing on becoming someone that others know, like and trust. I think you’ll be pleased with the results.
Advice on Leadership
I am working on a project right now called LunchWithLeaders and have been giving a lot of thought to the subject of leadership.
Wikipedia describes leadership as the “process of social influence in which one person can enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task.” Leadership is also described as “organizing a group of people to achieve a common goal”.
Leadership is a curious subject. I think most people like to be thought of as leaders, but then again, maybe I think that way because I think of myself as a leader. Like the tango, it takes two. Accomplishing a common goal takes leaders AND followers. Do most followers think of themselves as followers? Just wondering.
Anyway, to stimulate my thoughts on the subject of leadership I’ve been researching and tweeting quotes on the subject @leaderslunch. Here’s a few quotes I thought I’d share in this post.
- It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to lead — and find no one there. – Franklin D. Roosevelt
- Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men – John F. Kennedy
- Leadership requires that you believe in yourself. Self-doubt will defeat you. – Dan Forbes
- Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results. ~ George S. Patton
- A star wants to see himself rise to the top. A leader wants to see those around him rise to the top. – Simon Sinek
- It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. – Adlai Stevenson.
- Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility. -St. Augustine
- A good leader takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit. — John C. Maxwell
- Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
- I am personally convinced that one person can be a change catalyst, a “transformer” in any situation, any organization. Steven Covey
- Leaders aren’t born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. – Vince Lombardi
- You do not lead by hitting people over the head – that’s assault, not leadership. ~ Dwight Eisenhower
- It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed. – Napoleon Hill
- The question who ought to be boss is like who ought to be the tenor in the quartet? Obviously, the man who can sing tenor. ~ Henry Ford
- Anyone can steer the ship when the sea is calm. ~ Publilius
- Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure. — Napoleon Hill
- A leader is a dealer in hope. ~ Napoleon Bonaparte
- A good leader takes a little more than his share of the blame, a little less than his share of the credit. – A. Glasgow
- The best example of leadership, is leadership by example. – Jerry McClain
- If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants. – Isaac Newton
These quotes are a mini-course in leadership in and of themselves. I hope you enjoyed them.
I invite you to follow me @leaderslunch on twitter to learn more on the subject of leadership. Let’s do it together.
Social media is changing the way businesses grow their business. This is especially true for the small business owner and entrepreneur. Social media is a level playing field and using it to build your business by building relationships is something anyone can do. Even you.
Cold calling, in-your-face sales tactics, and look-how-great-I-am approaches are a dying breed. And, might I say, “Good riddance.” Nobody wants to “be sold” anything. But an unlimited number of people do want to buy what you have to offer. The secret is finding out how to connect your potential buyer with your product or service.
And, believe me, if you are in business you are in sales. No matter what your product or service, you must become a great salesperson. The key to becoming a great salesperson today is to become great in building relationships. For this is how people come to know, like and trust you. When they do, they easily become your customer or client.
Social media is a great tool for building relationships with potential customers and clients. However, many users of Twitter, Linkedin, Facebook, etc. are still trying in-your-face tactics that won’t work. Here’s 5 ways to build relationships and build your business.
First, use your social media tools to engage others in conversation. Twitter and Linkedin are my favorite tools for starting a conversation with others. On Twitter you can “reply” to someone or “mention” them. People respond. On Linkedin you can comment, answer questions, and join discussions. Don’t just “push” content out there, actually become involved in what others are saying or doing. Engage in conversation.
Second, focus on giving and helping others. Be sure your conversation is not about you, but about them. Be genuinely interested in what they are saying or doing. Ask them to tell you more. Be curious. Show your desire to learn more about them and what they do. Do NOT start the conversation by focusing on you. Seek to help others first.
Move the conversation forward with the goal of obtaining a face to face meeting. This won’t apply to everyone, but if you are in any type of service business it certainly applies to you. I am in financial services and meeting people face to face is my primary marketing goal. If you are an attorney, CPA, advertising rep, coach, realtor, or almost any kind of professional this too should be your goal. Someone put it this way, it’s not who you know, it’s who knows you. Meet over a cup of coffee. Have a conversation about them. Offer to help them accomplish their goals. Begin to take the relationship to the next level. Your goal on Twitter and Linkedin should be to entice others to want to meet you in person.
Fourth, listen more, talk less. I have a rule that when I meet with prospective clients for the first time I want them to talk about 80 percent of the time. So, if we spend an hour together, I want them to talk for about 45 minutes of that time. By asking questions and allowing the prospective client to answer and tell me their story, I demonstrate that I genuinely care about them and their problems. Remember, nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care. Use this rule on Twitter and Linkedin as you engage others. Listen to others to find out what’s important to them.
Lastly, help people achieve their goals. I have an email message that I send out to my new connections on Linkedin and in it I say, “If there is any way that I can help you accomplish that which is important to you, please consider me a resource.” And, I mean it. Nothing builds a relationship faster or stronger than for you to align yourself with your prospects’ goals and dreams. Become a helper to them and they will love you for it. Support them in what they are trying to accomplish and they will want to know more about you and what you do. Then, you can show them the value of your product or service. Then they are ready to listen. Then they are ready to become your customer or client.
The relationship comes first. Build the relationship and you will build your business.
Like this:
Is Your Emotional Bank Account Overdrawn?
In Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he writes about the Emotional Bank Account. It’s a metaphor for the give and take, and ups and downs in our relationships.
In every relationship it’s like we have this “emotional” bank account with the other person. It starts out even. Then we begin to make deposits and/or withdrawals. Just like a real bank account. However, instead of dollars we deposit or withdraw emotional units. These emotional units translate into trust.
When we make “deposits” into the account, the person’s fondness, trust and confidence in us grows. When we make “withdrawals” by being selfish or careless, the relationship is strained and trust is lost. If we continue to be overdrawn, it can eventually lead to a bankrupt relationship as all trust is lost.
The key is to maintain a healthy balance in the account by making deposits often.
Most relationships involve give and take, and ups and downs. Our spouses, significant others, friends and co-workers, clients and prospects will forgive us our trespasses as long as we maintain a positive balance. The secret is to make sure there are more ups than downs, more giving than taking.
What constitutes “withdrawals”? Harsh words, broken promises, unkindness, thoughtlessness, taking the other person for granted, lack of empathy, etc.
In business, “withdrawals” might be missed appointments, under-delivering and over-promising, lack of communication, lack of caring. These kinds of withdrawals will kill the relationship. Clients will leave. Prospects will no longer return your calls.
If your “emotional bank account” with someone is overdrawn. It ‘s time to think about making some deposits to rebuild the trust. And, know this, it doesn’t happen overnight. However, if you are serious about repairing or improving the relationship, you CAN do it. Little by little make deposits. Kind words, promises kept, expressing gratitude for the other person, telling them how much they mean to you and showing empathy. Make a promise and keep it. Over-deliver…consistently. Show others that you genuinely care.
By the way, you can’t fake it. Just like you can’t deposit a fraudulent check into your financial bank account and expect it to clear, neither can you make fake deposits into the emotional bank account.
As you go about your day think about the “emotional bank account” you have with those you interact with today. Determine to make some deposits today and watch your account balance grow.
Like this:
The Importance of Giving Before Receiving
To me one of the key principles of developing good relationships is to focus on giving rather than receiving. I think this principle works in friendship, marriage and business. My career has spanned years as a minister, business owner, and now as a Financial Advisor with Merrill Lynch. Each of these professions has required that I focus on relationship building. My marriage benefits from it, as well as my friendships.
All of us has probably had the “friend” who was always borrowing something (and not returning it), always monopolizing the conversation with stories of himself/herself, or always needing to be the center of attention. This is the “taker” mentally which quickly wears on others. True friendship occurs when you focus on being a help to others, being supportive, being kind and giving. The giver is the friend we all want.
In marriage the relationship flourishes when the husband and the wife focus on each rather than themselves. Selfishness has killed many a marriage. The “taker” is certain to regret his/her attitude when the marriage fails. On the other hand, when one spouse puts the other first, ahh, the wedded bliss.
A focus on giving rather than receiving is key to business success as well. I often refer to relationship marketing. It is the idea that one must develop a relationship with the potential client before making the sale. Of course, not all sales activity requires a relationship first. If you are selling widgets and someone needs a widget, they may just buy from you simply because you sell widgets.
However, for the business that depends upon repeat sales or an ongoing relationship with the client, I can’t emphasize enough the importance developing the relationship first. People do business with those they know, like and trust. The “know” part can be accomplished by advertising. It’s the “like and trust” part that takes more time and effort to develop. On way to be liked and trust is to be a giver, not a taker.
From my days as a minister I recall teaching that it is “more blessed to give than to receive.” From years of marriage, I can attest that it works there as well. In business, focusing on giving, helping others and genuinely caring for others results in great success.
Take a day this week to focus on giving rather than receiving. Make an experiment of it. You may be amazed at the results in your friendships, marriage and business. I’d love to hear of your experience.
Best Ideas for Creating and Maximizing a Linkedin Group
Someone asked if I could provide some tips for creating and managing a Linkedin group. While I don’t profess to be an expert in the matter, I am happy to share some advice. That’s the purpose of this blog anyway. And, since I like to present ideas in short snippets, here are my top 10 tips for creating and maximizing a Linkedin group.
1. Think before you create. Before posting your new group on Linkedin ask yourself several key questions to help you think through the idea. Why do you want to create a group? Is it to discover leads and prospects? Is it to share knowledge and information? Is it to bring together a group of people with like interests? In other words, what is your purpose? For the purpose of this post, I am going to assume it is to discover prospects and win them as clients.
2. Chose a name carefully. Select a name that aligns with the purpose of your new group. You are allowed to change the name of the group if needed, but try to get it right the first time. The group I created is called Sarasota Area 500+. Make sure the name of the group identifies the purpose of the group, is catchy, and easily remembered.
3. Decide if you want your group to be open or closed. That is, can anyone join the group without requiring manager approval, or do you want to restrict membership and require manager approval to join. I decided to restrict the membership in my group since I wanted to be sure that only qualified members joined. I also wanted to create a certain exclusivity to membership. There’s no wrong or right answer, just a matter of preference. I choose quality over quantity of members.
4. Write a compelling summary profile. Under the “manage” tab look in “group information” to create your summary. Your group summary will be read by those searching for a group to join. You want it to describe the purpose of the group and be somewhat compelling. Your profile is your hook to attract members to your group. The summary for my group reads, “Sarasota, Bradenton and Lakewood Ranch area professionals with 500+ connections are invited to join this exclusive networking group. We focus on building professional relationships, learning how to maximize Linkedin, and doing business in our Florida area.”
5. Invite people to join your group. You must not simply wait for people to discover your group by searching for a group to join. Use the “share group” feature to post your group to updates. This way all of your connections will see your group and whatever you write in the update box on their Linkedin home page under “updates.” Use this feature regularly to get the word out about your group. You can also use the “share group” feature to send an invitation to specific connections that you would like to join the group.
6. Create some rules for members to follow. Under the “manage” tab you will find “group” rules. You can explore the rules in other groups to which you already belong to get some ideas. I jotted down a few rules especially about posting discussions in the group. Keep the rules simple to help avoid any one member from misusing their membership in the group or promoting themselves excessively.
7. Create templated messages to help you manage requests to join, welcoming new members, and declining requests as necessary. You can even decline and block people from requesting to join if necessary. This will save you time and provide a welcoming response to new members. Be sure in your welcome message that you encourage new members to connect with you and fellow members.
8. Use the Send and Announcement feature. You can use this feature to send a message to all group members but no more often than once every seven days. Don’t overdo it or members may feel you are spamming them. Only send out announcements that are relevant and meaningful to the group. I have used this feature to invite members to a meet-up and to encourage them to read the group rules.
9. Consider hosting a group meet-up. I wanted to take my group to the next level by actually holding a meet-up where members could gather face to face. Because of the nature of my group we used the first hour to discuss maximizing the use of Linkedin. The second hour was for casual networking and was held at a local bar and grill within walking distance of the first hour meeting place.
10. Be consistent and relevant. Post discussions to involve the group members. Comment on their discussions. Encourage members to engage one another. If you are going to manage the group yourself plan on spending a few minutes every day working in the group. You may decide to give another group member the privilege of assisting in the management of the group. You can do this in the “manage” section. Consistency and relevancy is the key to group success and Linkedin success. Use consistency to develop relationships and be relevant to bring value to your members.
I trust that these ten tips will help you create a highly successful Linkedin group. I’d love to hear of your success and of course, please invite me to connect with you on Linkedin by sending me an invitation at danvforbes@gmail.com.
